Supercars has today commenced an inquiry into the DJR Team Penske Shell V-Power Racing Team, to determine whether or not they may have pissed off a bunch of people by being a bit quicker at racing cars than they were supposed to be.
The inquiry will also focus on how to stop people with actual money entering the series in the future, in the hope that Triple 8 can do away with all this annoying “having to work on how to make the car faster” stuff, The Waterton Chronicle has learned.
Paulie the Parity Pelican, who will chair the investigation, told this reporter he was looking forward to a completely one-sided hearing that would “result in nothing less than the removal of DJR Team Penske as a competitor in our sport”.
The wily old seabird went on to explain that Penske had made their life more difficult than it could have been.
“He could have just turned up like every other new manufacturer and hung around the back of the field. But noooo, he had to go and win some stuff didn’t he” said the pelican.
“If he’d just done what every other team, other than Triple 8, has done and stuck to the script, none of this would have been necessary. But we want the old way of doing things back, and we’ll do anything to get Triple 8 winning again.” he continued.
When this reporter asked what happens once Penske is impeached, the pelican was a little hesitant before he clarified that he hadn’t really thought that far ahead, before reiterating his view that “Penske needs to go”.