Swimming Australia Announce New Mascot In Major Rebrand

At a joint press conference today, Swimming Australia PR manager Clem Buterol and Temporarily Non-Competitive Athlete Shayna Jack have announced Missy the Hypocrisy Hippo as the organisation’s new mascot. 

Shayna did seem to be speaking rather quickly “Really excited to be here today, looking forward to being a part of the new team once WADA accept my cocaine pash story,” she said, with a distinct sniffle and visibly dilated pupils. 

Mack Horton was scheduled to take part in the press conference, but for some reason decided to stand behind and slightly away from the stage muttering something about how Shayna would look great in the white or red swimmers of Russia or China.

More to come.