With wild rumours and pure speculation about the future of Hamilton and Vettel gushing out of bored motorsport journalists around the world this week, The Waterton Chronicle has done some proper investigative journalism and discovered with a level of confidence what the F1 stars will actually be up to from 2021.
Some reporters clearly had a few too many glasses of wine while trying to come up with stories last week when they reported that Lewis would “definitely be heading to Ferrari, and taking Toto with him”.
The Waterton Chronicle can confirm that that won’t happen because Lewis quite likes having a team that don’t stuff up race strategies every ten minutes, and can actually build a proper car.
When this reporter reached out to Toto for comment he started crying laughing and said simply “bro, wtf?!”.
Similarly, when we asked McLaren boss Zak Brown if they were really chasing Sebastian, he said with a completely straight face “No, if we wanted someone who can’t race wheel-to-wheel without crashing, we’d save ourselves $50m a year and put Maldonado in the car”.
Apparently the unlikely besties will be retiring at the end of 2020 to concentrate on their newly formed rap/hip hop group Tha LilHamster and SebbyV Colab. A source close to the pair said they had been working on a debut album for a few weeks so far, following LilHamster’s secret but not so secret foray into music with Christina Aguilera last year under the pseudonym XNDA.
“LilHamster is pretty comfortable with the singing part, and SebbyV looks after all the songwriting, which works well at this stage.” the source explained.
The source went on to explain they’ve already got a couple of songs finished off and might look at releasing a single called “Avoiding the Torpedo” sometime next year, before the full launch in 2021.