School dropout and avid sailor Greta Thunberg has had her previously “ruined” childhood made just a little more bearable today with the news that she’s been awarded TIME magazine’s coveted “Person of the Year” title for 2019.
The award sees Thunberg join a long list of historical figures who go around yelling at everyone and marching in the streets until they get what they want.
Historical winners of note include Adolf Hitler for invading Austria-Hungary in 1938, obviously before anyone decided he was a bit much and the world unfriended him. Hitler’s one-time bestie Josef Stalin took the title in 1939 and again in 1942 for murdering millions of his own people.
More recently Thunberg’s fellow award recipients include Richard Nixon who snapped up the title for bombing the crap out of Vietnam and Cambodia in 1971, and Bill Clinton for leaving a bit of a mess on an interns dress, the dirty ole dawg.
Vladimir Putin continued the trend of TIME fawning over ruthless dictators with a win in 2007.
Even Greta’s mortal enemy Donald Trump nabbed the title in 2016, for his tireless campaigning for the grabbing of random pussies.
A spokesperson for Miss Thunberg she was honoured to be compared to such influential figures.
“She’s keen to get the title a couple more times and knock off old Uncle Joe (Josef Stalin)” said the spokesperson.
More to come.