David Warner’s Quite Good At Cricket Apparently, Pakistan Not So Much

Former sandpaper collector David Warner has well and truly redeemed himself in the eyes of the news vultures today after casually putting 300 on Pakistan before switching to T20 mode and smashing the tourists back to the Stone Age. 

With Pakistan playing like some kind of U9’s Cool Runnings effort, the entire news media that spent the last year going on about what a crook Warner is magically transformed into lifelong supporters, positively frothing at their collective mouths over the triple century innings. 

“At least we made the news today” squawked Cricket Australia’s Head of Marketing Bernie the Budgerigar, in a reference to the fact that until this afternoon no one anywhere even knew the game was happening. 

Pakistan coach Misbah-ul-Haq said the team was “not really worried” about chasing down the Australians. 

“We’re just happy to be here really.” he explained.