Rugby CEO Raelene Castle Appoints Herself As “Player-Coach”

In just another typical day for Rugby Australia, CEO Raelene Castle has announced a bold new plan to turn around the alleged rugby team’s fortunes. 

Speaking to a hastily put-together rabble consisting of herself, the three remaining rugby union fans in Australia, her sister Deirdre, and some random guy who happened to be walking past at the time, Castle announced a raft of changes she said would “at least mildly improve the current situation, I guess”. 

The changes will affect the entire organisation, including coaching, the playing squad, and how the game is played, according to Castle. In a somewhat unconventional move, Raelene has decided to give the whole playing the game herself thing a crack.

“Look, I’ve decided that if you want something done right, you do it yourself. Frankly I haven’t played any form of sport or even taken the dog for a walk for about 30 years, but I reckon I’ll get up to speed pretty quickly” she explained. 

“I’ve been trying not to watch the games over the last few years, so I’m a bit rusty on how it all works, but how hard can it be, tee hee hee?” she quipped. 

Castle went on to explain that she will also take up the position of Head Coach, replacing self-described “Powerhouse Coach” Michael Cheika, who she unfriended on Facebook yesterday. 

“I don’t really know where to start, but I’m guessing teaching the boys how to catch, pass and maybe even kick might be a good idea”.