A study coming out of Waterton University of Technology (WUT) today has confirmed what we pretty much already knew was the reason Bill Shorten and Labor inexplicably lost the supposedly unloseable election, and it’s not as complicated as you might think.
The study, titled “Well That Was Unexpected. WTF?” and headed up by WUT Political Speculation student and token leftie Gerry Manderer saw a small group of unnecessarily passionate unionists spend the months since the election going over and over in their heads what the hell the country was thinking when they resoundingly told Labor and the Greens to piss off.
The group were not convinced that it had anything to do with most normal Australians not being that keen on giving all their money to Bill and his cronies.
They were equally skeptical that it was because Bill went on and on about climate change, and personal pronouns, and how mean Peter Dutton is.
They couldn’t even find a link between Labor telling Brunswick hipsters they’d stop coal mining, while simultaneously telling coal miners they’d stop Brunswick hipsters.
Mr Manderer said the main reason voters made Bill look like a humongous pelican on election night was because they were thoroughly sick of hearing him bleating on at least 600 times a day about how stuff apparently is “not fair dinkum”.
“It really got to people to be honest.” said Mr Manderer.