The level of paranoia in a coffee shop and the surrounding area in some Alabama backwater is a bit higher than usual this morning after one of the local idiots thought it was a good idea to make everyone think he was attempting to dish out some good ole American “Freedom” by bringing an AR-15 along for his morning coffee run.
Local Call of Duty “Master Sergeant” and budding constitutional law expert Kyle Kuntfloggery (22) reckons his right to bear arms “Trumps” everyone else’s right to not feel like they’re about to be shot up in a coffee shop.
“The Constitution says I can, so I will!” he shouted at this reporter when questioned about the point of it all.
“Who even knows what might happen. I need to protect myself in case the government decides to attack today!” he said unconvincingly.
When this reporter pointed out that a coffee shop in an Alabama backwater probably isn’t a position of strategic value to a tyrannical government, Mr Kuntfloggery simply said “psh. You never know man, you never know” and sped off in his mum’s early 90s Honda Civic, presumably to head back to his parents house for another Call of Duty session.