Waterton Historian Discovers That America Didn’t Technically “Win” Independence

In a shocking turn of events, it appears the only war the USA has actually “won” in the last 200 years may not have been a victory at all. 

Waterton University of Technology (WUT) Arts student Bert Whybother (21) was rifling through some really old documents on the microfiche when he stumbled across the diary of one Captain Jonathan Swift. 

Captain Swift explained in his diary that he and his crew had pretty much had enough of fighting the locals and decided to just kind of “leave them to it”. 

“To be honest we really can’t be bothered with this anymore” said one of Swift’s entries. 

“There’s a good chance we’ll probably just up anchor at sunrise and go fishing instead”. 

It appears that’s exactly what happened. 

Captain Swift’s next diary entry, two days later, suggests the crew enjoyed quite the haul. 

“Not worried about those idiots really. They can knock themselves out. We certainly won’t be doing it for them. Crew enjoying massive haul of cod.” 

When this reporter asked Mr Whybother what this all really meant, he was adamant it means the British basically couldn’t be bothered dealing with their shit anymore, and left.