Jacinda Says We Should “Talk More About Our History”, Except If It Makes Her Look Bad

Supreme Leader and selective-hijab-wearer Jacinda Ardern has had a massive go at the entire country for apparently not talking enough about the history of our country, while also completely refusing to entertain any questions at all about the ongoing occupation of private land by a group of protesters at Ihumatao. 

In what’s become a standard tactic at this point, Jacinda has obviously decided that there really isn’t any way to make herself look like the Mother of The Nation without looking like a dickhead in this case, so has opted for the tried and tested “I’ll just pretend it’s not happening” approach. 

“What protest?” she asked when this reporter attempted to discuss what she’s doing about it, given that it’s been three months since the protesters were asked to leave. 

“Let’s talk about something else. Did you see we’ve managed to take $7 billion that we have no intention of spending on useful stuff off the proletariat? How good is that?!” she gushed. 

“And I’m probably going to get a Nobel Peace Prize for saying that people shouldn’t shoot people. Life’s good” she added. 

“But yeah, you peasants really aren’t talking about how badly your ancestors treated the locals 200 years ago, and I think that’s wrong. You all need to do better.”  

More to come.