Waterton Anti-Vaxxer Cult Deploys “Vaxx-Finder-General”

Interesting developments at a fortified compound on the outskirts of Waterton today, as reports emerge that the local chapter of unhinged anti-vaxxers, calling themselves the Self Educated People Transmitting Infections Collective (SEPTIC), obviously a cult, has enlisted the help of what they’re calling the “Vaxx-Finder-General” to track down and “discourage” anyone who might be the slightest bit in favour of not dying from preventable disease. 

Unsurprisingly, SEPTIC seems to be completely unaware that this sort of approach tends to get out of hand. 

In a statement on their Facebook page, SEPTIC announced the appointment of local lifestyle blogger and “anti-vaccination expert” Matthew Scarlett-Fever (32) as the new Vaxx-Finder-General. 

Matthew said he was “looking forward to getting stuck in”. 

“I’ve already Facebook stalked a few vaxxers and plastered their crazy views all over the anti-vaxxer group I’m in.”

“People need to learn that we’re not gonna put up with people trusting actual science-based evidence over our thoroughly Google-based hysteria. If you disagree with us, we will hunt you down and doxx the shit out of you until you confess” he screamed, somewhat incoherently.

“We’ve already got people dobbing in their family and friends!” he added gleefully.