Report: 9 Out Of 10 Babies Think It’s Fuckin Hilarious To Stay Up All Night

A young Waterton family is tonight discovering the lengths to which a newborn baby will go to avoid going the fuck to sleep. 

In a specially commissioned phone poll carried out by The Waterton Chronicle, nine out of ten babies spoken to said it was their duty as new arrivals to thoroughly test the resolve of previously clucky and well-rested young couples by absolutely rejecting any attempts to get the supposedly adorable bundles of joy to go to sleep at a reasonable hour. 

Speaking through a baby whisperer, recent Waterton arrival Xavier (6 weeks) said “yeah, I get a good laugh out of trolling mummy and daddy by happily sleeping during afternoon naptime, or whenever we go in the car . This means I have plenty of energy later on to take advantage of their tiredness and cause all hell by refusing to sleep until at least 4am”. 

“I’m not saying I do it for the laughs, but it is pretty fucking funny” he added with a coo. 

“It’s even better when they think I’m finally asleep and then five minutes later I shit myself”.