Everyone can breathe a little easier with the news that the $2 million solid gold toilet stolen from a museum recently has been located.
It seems that with not much else to occupy her days in Trump Tower, and with obviously not quite enough golden decor, Melania may have taken her recent trip to the UK as an opportunity to enhance the “ambience” of her digs with the addition of a solid gold “throne” shat on by none other than Winston “we will fight them on the beaches” Churchill.
No one is really sure how exactly the golden throne ended up in Melania’s bathroom, but the Waterton Chronicle understands both she and President Trump took a particular liking to the tacky symbol of 1980s-era excess on a recent trip to the UK.
In a statement released earlier today, local Police Constable Nigel Noteworthy said the crime scene was “a bit of a mess to be honest. They’ve left a big hole in the floor where the toilet used to be.”
“We’re looking into it” he added.
This reporter reached out to local Superintendent Hamish Dolittle, who explained where his team is at in terms of the investigation.
“They’ve got nothing to go on”.
More to come.