Waterton Residents Lose It Over Cyclists “Offensively Loud Bikes”

In a clear sign that people really do have nothing much to get worked up about these days, a group of Waterton Springs residents have lost the plot over a couple of cyclists’ mildly squeaky, frankly barely audible chain assemblies. 

The kerfuffle started last week when retired Waterton spinster Glenda Goldsworth (83) was doing her daily trek to the letterbox. 

Just as she was lamenting facing yet another day where the mail consisted of just Rebel Sport catalogues and flyers from local real estate agents an opportunity to get worked up about something presented itself. Just as Glenda was turning around to attempt the return trip back to the comfort of her lounge, she was absolutely blindsided by the sheer audacity of some guy choosing to cycle past her house with a slightly squeaky chain. 

She quickly returned to the letterbox as another cyclist crested the hill. 

This time listening intently for even the slightest whisper of noise coming from the oblivious commuter, Glenda thought she heard a faint whirring noise and the adrenaline well and truly kicked in. 

Glenda quickly made the journey back to her lounge and promptly called her neighbour Bernice to alert her to the shocking news. 

“Oh Bernice, the noise was just horrendous. I heard it clearly all the way from my letterbox!” she explained in a state of pure panic. 

Upon hearing of the shocking news Bernice immediately poked her head over the fence to tell neighbour and fellow Bridge player Arthur of the egregious breach of the peace that the cyclists had inflicted upon the sleepy neighbourhood. 

Arthur came  up with the genius plan of having a whinge to the local council, who temporarily shifted their focus from making it impossible for car owners to park anywhere to put up a couple of signs warning cyclists to stop being so disrespectful. 

“That’ll show them” said Glenda. 

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