With Hurricane Dorian apparently disobeying President Trump’s demands that it follow the path he created with his trusty sharpie, the supposed expert deal-maker and budding meteorologist has come up with a genius plan to regain control of the storm system and send it back down to “sort out” the troubled state of Alabama.
As Dorian sets sail for Canada, and with pretty much no one keen on his original plan to nuke the weather system, Trump has today announced a new plan to tackle the weather phenomenon and fulfil his apparent desire to solve Alabama’s numerous problems by flattening the troubled state altogether.
With it now a little more difficult to shoot the storm after Walmart decided to stop selling ammunition following just the 297th mass shooting this year so far, and not one to miss a quick money-making scheme, Trump temporarily ended the trade war with China to order 500,000 custom fake gold embossed “President Trump’s Sharpie of Truth” that he claims is “the best, the greatest weather-controlling device of all time”.
In a statement released from one of his holiday resorts in Scotland, where he is riding out the storm, Trump said “After the Dirty Democrats wouldn’t let me nuke the hurricane, and then Weak Walmart stopped us from being able to shoot it, I had to come up with something fast. This will be the greatest invention in the history of weather control, the greatest” he explained.
As we go to press, 26,000 sharpies have been sold at $15.00 each plus shipping and handling, making this reporter wish he’d thought of the idea first.
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