Trump Uses ‘Sharpie Of Truth’ To Redirect Hurricane Dorian To Alabama

For some reason The Donald thought it was a good idea to unnecessarily scare the shit out of the entire state of Alabama today, using his tried and tested Twitter account to claim that Dorian was headed their way. 

Unfortunately for the reality TV star, trust fund baby and leader of the free world, a bunch of actual meteorologists saw his tweet and publicly disagreed. 

Not content with accepting he may have been wrong, and frankly panicking over the prospect of his “authoritaah” being compromised, Donald immediately cracked out the same sharpie he uses to sign Presidential decrees and went to work on the projections provided by actual scientists. 

In a desperate bid to avoid his own “fake news” hashtag being used against him he used his beloved Sharpie of Truth to doctor the scientists’ projections so that his tweet no longer seemed like complete bollocks. 

In a moment of pure relief for the Donald, he then presented his “adjusted” document to the world. Which apparently meant that his tweet was correct, but that Alabama probably still wasn’t about to be flattened by Dorian, despite the best efforts of Trump to coax the storm system towards the basketcase state.

At time of press the streets of Birmingham, and we’re assuming every other Alabama street, are even more empty than usual as the loyal subjects of Trumpism follow their beloved leader’s advice and get the fuck out of Alabama. 

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