Waterton Police Confirm Again There’s No Youth Gang Problem After Arresting 500 Youth Gangsters

Following the announcement today by Waterton Police that there is definitely no youth gang problem, Waterton residents are once again free to go out to restaurants at night without fear of being bashed for their phones and cars. Or are they? 

In what seems to this reporter to be a load of absolute bullshit, Waterton Police today announced that after arresting over 500 youth gangsters there is no youth gang problem in Waterton. 

Unfortunately it seems they must have missed a couple because as we go to press reports are coming in regarding yet another unprovoked home invasion in the middle of the night. 

A 90 year old man in a wheelchair is currently assisting police with their enquiries after his front door was bashed down by a gang of what the government has labeled “wayward but good natured kids”. 

“Well yeah, there used to be a few naughty boys roaming around invading houses and stealing cars, nothing too serious” said Constable Coppowt. 

“But we’ve signed up to the belief that if we pretend it isn’t happening, it isn’t happening. I  mean what that old digger needs to understand is that these young lads don’t know that breaking into people’s houses in the middle of the night and beating them up until they give up their money and cars used to be frowned upon in this country”. 

“We’ve since realised that we need to be more tolerant of their culture” he added with not a hint of irony. 

A 90 year old man is currently in custody facing charges of common assault after apparently running over the toe of one of his unexpected guests with his wheelchair.