Too Many Smoko Breaks Blamed For Kiwibuild Fail

The government has today announced it’s much-hyped Kiwibuild project has in fact been nothing short of a complete fuckup.

Having mentioned the then-planned scheme at least every 27 seconds during the two weeks between knifing former Labour leader Andrew Little and being ordained as Supreme Leader by perennial smokey man behind the curtain at the 2017 election, Jacinda was noticeably absent during today’s announcement. 

Apparently not wanting to jeopardise her next feel-good Woman’s Day story, rumored to cover the story surrounding First Dad Clarke’s heroic actions to save Baby Neve from the disgruntled geese at Western Springs Park on Fathers Day, Jacinda instead threw under the bus her loyal comrade Megan Woods. 

Megan explained that previously reported information from policy analysts and experienced construction experts was “fake news”. She said that “the fact we only managed to finish 37 houses in 18 months against a target of 15,000 has nothing to do with it.” 

“Also, the fact we built those houses in isolated backwaters with chronic unemployment and under-population issues isn’t important. Neither is the fact that pretty much all of the completed houses were snapped up by opportunistic Chinese-based property investors”. 

Megan went on to explain that the real cause of the epic failure of a policy is tradies apparently slacking off. 

“We’ve identified that too many tradies took too many smoko breaks despite our insistence that they sacrifice their breaks for the good of the sovi-.. I mean country! One of them was even an hour late to work once!” she added with a smirk. 

“So what we’re doing now is similar to our approach to managing health and education. Jacinda doesn’t like being held to account, so we’ll just remove the Kiwibuild targets. We can’t miss a target that doesn’t exist”.

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