The eclectic Waterton suburb of Newstart is in lockdown this morning after a group of lifestyle bloggers got a bit carried away with dishing out amateur medical advice, resulting in a mass outbreak of measles on a scale more at home in an 18th century Tottenham slum.
The avoidable plague had its beginnings a couple of years ago when people started being told it was offensive and hurtful to tell the anti-vaxx community to sit down and shut up. Spurred on by a complete absence of critical thought, several Waterton locals took the opportunity to exploit the stupidity of others by writing blogs about how oppressive it is to not die from preventable diseases these days.
Speaking from her hospital bed after inexplicably contracting measles last week, Grand Mystic of the Waterton Anti-Vaxxers Defence League, Anita Job (29) said she was originally persuaded by one of her sisters friends, and subsequently completely convinced by a couple of articles she found on Google ten minutes later, of the horrendous effects of vaccinations.
“So yeah after finding out that doctors are trying to trick us all into becoming autistic, I set up my blog to make sure no one else has to suffer” she mumbled as the virus took hold.
“Who cares about silly things like long running and ongoing medical studies carried out by medical professionals.” she wheezed.
When this reporter asked if there might be a connection between the community of Newstart refusing to vaccinate, and the community of Newstart finding itself in the grips of a medieval style plague, Anita offered only “well I’ve paid the IT guy for my ecommerce website now, so um yeah” before apparently nodding off to sleep.