Stunned silence has echoed through the halls of Waterton’s Supreme Court this morning as, in a shock decision, a judge has sentenced a criminal to a sentence actually in line with public expectation.
Breaking from tradition, a steaming pile of shit masquerading as a human convicted of rape and murder has been sentenced to life in prison even though the department of public prosecutions didn’t bother asking for the maximum penalty as they’re so used to being disappointed.
“Yeah, it’s totally reinvigorated the force,” said acting Police Chief Lachie Mupp, “if they’re actually going to put people away we better actually starting looking to arrest some people.”
But it seems the external positivity has been met with disdain within the Judiciary, as the judge in question has been set remedial training, allocated to shadow a colleague that just last week gave a recent migrant the equivalent of about 20 minutes in the big house for touching up a child.
In a statement addressing the matter, the judge in question quipped, “Yeah, I guess I got a bit excited and better tone it back in the future. I’ve got a misunderstood Western Suburbs teenager out on bail that’s coming in for half a dozen armed robberies and a home invasion next week, so should be able to slap him with a six month good behaviour bond and that should smooth things over with the Chief Justice”.