President Trump Insists Caribbean Nations Take Nuclear Weapons To Fight Hurricane Dorian

With Hurricane Dorian wreaking absolute havoc in the Caribbean, President Trump has reportedly just got off the phone with a Jamaican diplomat after what witnesses describe as a “heated discussion” where he insisted they deploy nuclear missiles to fight the natural weather event. 

This follows Trump’s genius idea over the weekend to deploy nuclear warheads to “smash Dorian back to the Stone Age”. 

White House insiders report that President Trump had been enjoying a movie night and KFC bucket by himself on Saturday when he was really impressed by the inspirational story of a Jamaican bobsled team who, with nothing  more than a dream and a lucky egg, managed to do kind of OK against the evil East Germans. 

Legendary International Relations and Geopolitics expert Ivanka Trump is currently in the process of recruiting just the right person for the job of training the Jamaican locals on the ins and outs of nuking weather systems. 

“We’ve left a bunch of messages with the Holy Cross Mortuary but John Candy is yet to get back to us” she explained. 

More to come.