A Waterton gamer is about to crack open the second bottle of Captain Morgan tonight after a power cut thwarted his high seas escapades.
Baden O’Rourke (22), whose Gamertag is “SaltyDawg69”, is at time of press sitting in complete darkness in his lounge pondering his life choices after a final push towards “Pirate Legend” status, and glory that comes with such an achievement, ended in nothing more than 8 hours he’ll never get back and the beginnings of what will surely be one hell of a hangover tomorrow.
Speaking from his still pitch black apartment, the despondent young sea captain described what he says is the “worst thing that’s ever happened to me”.
“I was solo slooping because every time I tried to join a random crew no one knew what the hell they were doing or they just wanted to blow up their own boat for shits and giggles. My mates keep giving me shit because I’m not a Pirate Legend yet, so I decided today was the day”.
He went on to explain that eight hours and 26 voyages later, he was heading back to an outpost with “I reckon at least 30 chests, 25 skulls, and 10 Gold Striped Pigs. This reporter is unsure what any of it means, but apparently it’s a shitload of treasure.
Just as he was crashing into the wharf at the outpost, no doubt distracted by thoughts of bragging to absolutely everyone about being a Pirate Legend, his entire world was instantly bathed in complete darkness, and an eerie silence.
“Well fuck” he muttered to himself.
After several minutes of rocking back and forth in a catatonic state, he set sail for the first bottle of Captain Morgan in the cupboard, and contemplated what could have been.