Finn Brothers Revealed As New Joint Police Commissioners

With the rent-a-crowd at Ihumatao showing no signs of going home or getting actual jobs any time soon, the government has announced the appointment of 80s pop sensations and New Zealand royalty Neil and Tim Finn as Joint Police Commissioners. 

This comes after the “successful” deployment of the Special Tactics Singalong Squad last week. 

Armed with nothing but a guitar and the voice of an angel, the squad was able to make the group of trespassers feel really good about themselves for a few hours. Looking to build on the feel-good factor and send a message to the trespassers that having a week long pissup on someone else’s land is fine, Supreme Leader Ardern made the announcement this afternoon from her dads yacht off the coast of Tokelau, where her and First Dad Clarke are enjoying a spot of fishing.

The Waterton Chronicle understands that the Finn brothers will initially focus primarily on enhancing the Singalong Squads set list with classics such as “History Never Repeats”, “I See Red” and “Nobody Takes Me Seriously”. Once the squad is up to speed with the set list the focus will shift to advanced training in electric guitar tactics, apparently in preparation for the unlikely event the acoustic versions don’t encourage the crowd to go home. 

This reporter spoke to one person at the scene who said she heard about the free concert through a friend and decided to come and have a look. 

“It’s pretty choice of the pigs to put on a free feed and music and stuff for us eh. We shoulda done this ages ago” she added.