Tensions are high at the Waterton Buy N Eat this evening as the Vegan Terror Alert level is raised to “FUBAR”.
Not happy with the apparent apathy displayed toward them after months of breaking into poultry and pig farms in the middle of the night on what are dubbed as “animal liberation missions”, a group of militant vegans have taken the decisive step of placing stickers on packets of delicious prime beef and chicken breast in what can only be described as a brazen attack, the likes of which we haven’t seen before.
Local animal rights advocate and self-appointed leader of the Waterton Vegan Militia, Brit Basquette-Kees explained that placing stickers on meat was part of a “re-education campaign” it is hoped will make people realise that the animals they eat are in fact dead.
“It’s pretty clear most people don’t understand that the meat they eat comes from animals that were once alive and are now dead, so we took the drastic step of making these idiots, I mean people, aware of this”.
In response the owner of Buy N Eat, Keith Greengrocer, a self-confessed omnivore, has taken the somewhat desperate step of employing a part time security guard in the chilled meats aisle to ward off attempts to highlight the fact the meat is in fact dead.
“I would have thought it’s pretty obvious to your average punter. Even without the stickers it’s clear that the chicken that donated the drumstick is no longer with us” he said sheepishly.